I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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