oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
