I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I died a long time ago.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
