I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
