Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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