he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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