"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
