the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
