dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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