I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
