He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
