Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Randomize
