zippers are such a cool invention
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
