WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What a dumb baby whore.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
