Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
id be glad to
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
