You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
