life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
