curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
