Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
