I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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