Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Randomize
