I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
