Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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