am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
