dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
