I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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