so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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