is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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