LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
