As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
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Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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