yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
