So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
