and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
