the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
