god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
