my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
