You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
