I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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