Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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