So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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