Whatcha textin bout Willis?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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