she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
