apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
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A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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