I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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