Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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