when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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