Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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