If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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