There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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