remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
