I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
