Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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