I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
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