Just fell off a train. Bad.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
