Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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