Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
