Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
