I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
the raccoons are back...
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