We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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