you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
My bed smells like the plague
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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