No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my being single is dangerous.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
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