She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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