Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
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toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
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We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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