Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
