Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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