I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
