Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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