I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
