I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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