just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Randomize
