so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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