She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
