I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
