You can't special order awesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i've created a new STD.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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