I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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