Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
