We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
You did what with his pubic hair?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
