Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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